How do I limit my gaming?

Be picky about which games you play, when you play, how long you'll play, and what you'll put up with.

When you're limiting the number of hours you play, you want to make those hours the best possible experience.

Don't play a game that is dumb or doesn't make you feel awesome.

Don't play when someone else needs your attention. They won't like it, you won't like it, and you won't enjoy the game as much.

If you're playing a multi-player game and can't find the right folks to play with, quit. If your friends aren't online, or you the people you want to play with are already engaged, or the people you find yourself playing with are assholes, quit.

Don't play instead of sleeping. Being well-rested has a big affect on patience, ability to learn, and motivation. Those will, in turn, affect your relationships, school work, quality of parenting, exercise, food choices, etc.

When my second & third kids were born (twins!) I was so very exhausted I couldn't cope. If I got a chance to sleep, I would get woken up 30 minutes later, which sucked. I played games instead, because being engaged in them made me not notice how tired I felt. But of course, this just made the problem worse. Watch out for that.

Given that I am married and have 2 children with a 3rd on the way, I have found I have limited time to play games as well. Here's what I do to try to balance things:

1. Play in the middle of the night after the wife and kids are asleep.
2. Get up really early and play in the morning before the wife and kids wake up.
3. Play after working until a very, very late hour like 3amish -- assuming the kids and wife are already asleep.

So my strategy basically consists of playing games while everyone else is asleep. Short of that, you are always choosing to spend time playing games instead of spending time with your spouse. And the key to making this work is to not make up the hours of sleep. If you have to sleep while everyone is awake, then you are still choosing to play a game instead of spend time with your family. As you can imagine, I can only do this infrequently at best.

One strategy I used about 7 years ago before my first child was born was to sit next to my wife while she watched tv and I played on a laptop. It work well enough for games that I could pause, but it wouldn't work for games where you play someone else.

An unplanned approach that worked was for me to setup my gaming computer next to my wife's computer. She was able to play the Sims (this was 9 years ago) while I played Diablo 2. I was able to play quite a bit because she was playing just as much as me at that point and I was able to celebrate some of her Sims' greatest moments like when Drew Carey visited her party or when she became a super villain. And mostly I could just be there to talk to her since that's what she seems to crave most when it all comes down to it.

On some occassions I have expressed a desire to play video games to my wife and she has cut some deals with me where if I do chore or task A then I can play video game B. That doesn't work well in practice.

Another method that works is to get my kids hooked on my games. So my two sons really like editing Starcraft 2 maps right now, so I get to adjust their levels (mostly the conditional rules) and test them. I also scratch my gaming itch by playing games with my kids on the Wii like Lego Batman or Super Smash Bros. These aren't really my kind of game, but it helps curb my desire to play something super violent and completely inappropriate for my kids. It isn't the same as playing what you really, really, really, really want to play, but it helps. We also replay a lot of games from my childhood, and those are surprisingly fun to play with the kids since they are age appropriate and the nostalgia helps increase the enjoyment of the game. And it is really cool to be able to talk to your kids about video games that meant a lot to you when you grew up.

One strategy I do not recommend following is just getting rid of games altogether. I tried that when I was dating my spouse, going to school, and working full time. I took my Starcraft disc and broke it into tiny pieces. I realized pretty quickly that I just shifted my attention to other games that I didn't enjoy very much and that breaking the disc only cost me money and pleasure in the end. I found a better way to balance things was to only play once I had completed my homework, my studying, and spent time with my love.

Good luck. It can be hard balancing things. Just set realistic goals about what you want to achieve and make certain playing games doesn't interfere with achieving your goals. Easier said than done, but what else can you do?

Self control is often a battle for die-hard gamers. If you contain self control, put your controller (or keyboard) somewhere that isn't convenient to get (like the cupboards above the fridge). This way every time you go for it you remember why you put it up there and why its important to you to keep it up there.

If you are disciplined enough to make this work for you go for it. If your not, recruit help. Your lady will probably be happy to help you quit, but make sure it doesn't lead to contention between you two. Have her change your passwords or set parental controls to help you limit your playing time.

Finally, find a substitute. Like all addictions, its easier to give up when you have something to use as a crutch. Try something new, listen to music and try cooking a meal (out of a cookbook), lift weights/exercise (it's like leveling up only more awesome), pick up a good book to satisfy your lust for storyline, or start a new TV series with the lady!