Magento 2 Ui Component resizeDefaultWidth not working

I can explain the sort order problem.
Took me 2 hours to find it some time ago.
The grids built with ui-components have their settings stored in the table ui_bookmark.
Even if you don't change anything in the grid, just by viewing it, you get a record in the table ui_bookamrk.
THe grid is rendered based on what the row in this table looks like, merged with the ui component xml.
That's why when you add a new column, you will see it last. Because it first renders what's saved in ui_bookmark.
Clear the contents of that table where user_id = {your admin id}.
If you are on a dev env, just delete everything from that table.

Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if this fixes your column width problem also.