How to safely remove other elements from a Collection while iterating through the Collection

It's not a fault of the collection, it's the way you're using it. Modifying the collection while halfway through an iteration leads to this error (which is a good thing as the iteration would in general be impossible to continue unambiguously).

Edit: Having reread the question this approach won't work, though I'm leaving it here as an example of how to avoid this problem in the general case.

What you want is something like this:

for (Iterator<BusinessObject> iter = myCollection.iterator; iter.hasNext(); )
{
    BusinessObject anObject = iter.next();
    if (someConditionIsTrue) 
    { 
        iter.remove();
    }        
}

If you remove objects through the Iterator itself, it's aware of the removal and everything works as you'd expect. Note that while I think all standard collections work nicely in this respect, Iterators are not required to implement the remove() method so if you have no control over the class of myCollection (and thus the implementation class of the returned iterator) you might need to put more safety checks in there.

An alternative approach (say, if you can't guarantee the iterator supports remove() and you require this functionality) is to create a copy of the collection to iterate over, then remove the elements from the original collection.

Edit: You can probably use this latter technique to achieve what you want, but then you still end up coming back to the reason why iterators throw the exception in the first place: What should the iteration do if you remove an element it hasn't yet reached? Removing (or not) the current element is relatively well-defined, but you talk about removing the current element's partner, which I presume could be at a random point in the iterable. Since there's no clear way that this should be handled, you'll need to provide some form of logic yourself to cope with this. In which case, I'd lean towards creating and populating a new collection during the iteration, and then assigning this to the myCollection variable at the end. If this isn't possible, then keeping track of the partner elements to remove and calling myCollection.removeAll would be the way to go.

You want to remove an item from a list and continue to iterate on the same list. Can you implement a two-step solution where in step 1 you collect the items to be removed in an interim collection and in step 2 remove them after identifying them?

Some thoughts (it depends on what exactly the relationship is between the two objects in the collection):

1. A Map with the object as the key and the partner as the value.
2. A CopyOnWriteArrayList, but you have to notice when you hit the partner
3. Make a copy into a different Collection object, and iterate over one, removing the other. If this original Collection can be a Set, that would certaily be helpful in removal.