pdfinfo doesn't appear to be working

This is caused by the hyperref package. It's not needed in your example, so you could just delete it. However, if your whole document does need hyperref, you can use \hypersetup to include the information.

\documentclass[twocolumn]{article}
\usepackage[colorlinks,linkcolor=black,anchorcolor=black,citecolor=black]{hyperref}
\title{Zombie Paranoia in the Bronx: A Study in Psychosocial Perceptions \\ Draft}
\author{{\bfseries John Smith$^a$} \\
{\footnotesize $^a$Ecology, Evolution, \& Behavior, University of Queens, USA \emph{[email protected]}}\\
}
\date{}
\hypersetup{pdfinfo={
Title={Zombie Paranoia in the Bronx: A Study in Psychosocial Perceptions},
Author={John Smith}
}}
\begin{document}
abc
\end{document}

Have a look at section 3.7 of the hyperref package manual for more information.

Indeed \pdfinfo does not work in combination with hyperref

Try the following

\hypersetup{pdfauthor={Author},%
            pdftitle={Your Title},%
            pdfsubject={Whatever},%
            pdfkeywords={one, two},%
            pdfproducer={LaTeX},%
            pdfcreator={pdfLaTeX}
}

If I try typesetting your input and preview it with Skim, the Author and Title info are as you want, but not with Adobe Reader. If instead I write

\hypersetup{
  pdfinfo={
   Title={Zombie Paranoia in the Bronx: A Study in Psychosocial Perceptions},
   Author={John Smith},
  }
}

then also Adobe Reader shows the desired data.